The craziest thing happened the other night. I was just laying there in bed thinking about all the things going on in my life. I was thinking about the amazing trip to Florida I just got back from and all that’s going on with my job and even the exciting life changes my friends are experiencing. All that isn’t really so weird- it was my reaction to it that surprised me. I think a collision of stress and uncertainty led to a total body take-over. Before I knew what I was doing I had my credit card in hand and I was registering for a dating site. About the minute I hit submit I started to feel the regret.
I’ve been on dating websites before but looking back I realize that had very little to do with actually dating, and more to do with boredom and curiosity. Those sites were free and I quickly began to realize the guys who frequented them were looking for one thing and one thing only- and it wasn’t a long walk on the beach and a good chat. I thought if I paid to join this site, not only would I be motivated to actually take it seriously, but so would all the other crazy people who have had the same moment of insanity I did.
I started out by filling out a VERY detailed questionnaire and receiving my matches and personality assessment. I had a tough time with those questions. “How sexy would you rate yourself” How do I even answer that? “How plain would you rate yourself” Huh? “What are you looking for in a partner?” Hmm if I knew that I’d like to think I wouldn’t be on a dating site…
I trudged through it and I actually feel the assessment was a pretty accurate depiction of me and my spirit lifted a little. Maybe this would work out after all. I reviewed the 10 matches I started with and as terrible as this sounds I went from zero to the most judgmental person ever- but in part that had to do with trying to understand the logic in pairing me with those I’d been paired with. Some of them made sense, but some of them reallllyyy didn’t. I called it a night and went to bed and by the next morning I had my first message.
The message came very differently than I was expecting. Apparently there’s some kind of order of events that you’re supposed to follow when you start communicating with someone on this site. I don’t want to give away all the secrets but it starts with 5 questions pre-determined by the site (selected from a long list by the other person) and once you both move through that step you pick the top ten things that would make a good relationship and the top ten things that would break a relationship for both to compare compatibility. This presents a whole new dilemma. What if you realize you’re not compatible? Do you just ignore and not respond? I have to admit that some of the guys that are sending me messages seem so far from compatible with me that I’m truly confused about what impression I’m giving off in the little summary of who I am. It’s official: I attract the strangest mix of guys.
In all of this I also decided to fight a few fears and message some guys myself. Why not? I mean really, what’s the worst that could happen? No response. From any of them. It’s baffling that I am both uninterested in those who are messaging me and also uninteresting to those I’ve messaged. A conundrum that perhaps explains best my long stint as a single lady.
The most baffling of all is the fact that I’m not a dumb girl. I can figure most things out and I can do it relatively quickly, but dating leaves me totally lost. I’m not convinced that online dating is the thing for me just yet, but since nothing else is really going on and I’m getting tired of being the token single lady with the plus one invite as a gesture of polite good etiquette rather than actual function, I’m gonna keep on keepin on
….For the next six months until this thing expires anyway.