Testing the Waters

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ImageI heard this funny little bit in one of my favourite sitcoms the other day that had me stopping mid laugh and having a moment. It was one of those lightbulb moments that made me realize it’s possible I’ve had things a little backwards. The bit was about commitment. It was a moment between two male friends discussing the expectation surrounding marriage. It was about the reasons people actually get married- the expectation associated with being part of a long-term relationship. One guy expressed some concern over the length of time he’d been with his lady love and his reaction towards the expectation that he should be ready to propose to, and marry her. The second guy laughed and joked “hey man the way things go these days getting a tattoo is more of a commitment than getting married anyway. Don’t worry about it”. Whoa. That’s scary. I mean I’ve heard that worldwide 55% of marriages end in divorce but holy yikes what a weird way to look at life.

I won’t lie, for a moment right then I felt a little self-righteous. I have two tattoos. If one equals the other I should be the commitment queen and we’re a-okay right? Wrong. Here’s the thing- it’s not the same exactly. Turns out there may have been a flaw or two about their little guy talk, at least from my perspective. Commitment to me means being sure you want something and going for it. It means mixing a little ambition with confidence and pedaling forward on faith and optimism; keeping fear at bay. I cannot for the life of me figure out how to find that balance. It’s not about a lack of ambition because I know I have that. I’m hell on wheels when I set my mind to wanting something. It comes right down to a lack of confidence…again. Damn you confidence where’d you go? When you get a tattoo you don’t really need that (unless said ink is somewhere a little provocative), you just better be damn sure what you’re getting is what you want and it’s pretty straightforward from there.Image

Commitment to other things like in a relationship or to a particular path in life is where things can really fall apart. I struggle with knowing what I want and sticking to a path. I get restless. I’ve talked about it in previous posts and it leads to this paralysis that gets me nowhere and sends me into a restless tailspin. I have this innate inability to trust the universe and allow life to work out. I am determined to believe it will not unless I stress about it until I can stress no more. The thing about commitment is that it has this crazy ability to make you feel like you can’t hang a u-turn and change your mind. I realize this contradicts the very essence of commitment but in life there are choices. After all, don’t the choices in life make life what it is? Resolution #2: Don’t be afraid to test the waters and be inspired to commit to a little peace even if it means hanging a u-turn every now and then! Getting messy and making mistakes and all that! Committing and heading in a particular direction is certainly altering in every respect but it is living. The alternative is much scarier.

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