Today I was flipping through an old notebook intending to write a new blog post. I thought I’d find a free space and start writing but I found myself reading instead. I read back on old poems and journal entries I wrote mostly during my time in Sweden. What an amazing way to recognize change and growth in yourself! I came across one particular entry that I wrote on my last day in Sweden as the train pulled away from the station and I waved goodbye to my friends and cried halfway to the airport.
I’m at a crossroads now; I’m at the edge of something big and new and all consuming and it’s in the air around me like this persistent electric charge I can’t seem to shake off. Sometimes I think we just find things when we need to. I think we have experiences because we can value them most at those times in our lives and when we’re ready to re-visit them we gain a plethora of new perspective. This is one of those times. One year ago I wrote:
“Sitting on the train on my last tour through Sweden on my way to the airport, and it feels like the world has been tipped upside down. Somehow I got so caught up in living and making memories with new and incredible friends, that I failed to realize I’d fallen in love. A country that has sometimes baffled or frustrated me, has become a second home. Leaving feels like ripping a band-aid off slowly, or worse, like a relationship that’s run out of time. But, just like with any heartbreak I find myself sifting through the tears and sadness and thinking of all the unbelievable times I’ve had, places I’ve been, and lessons I’ve learned.
The girl on this train is not the same one who came here ten months ago. Despite the tears, this one is stronger, more aware of the world and what it has to offer, and more appreciative of her roots. She has made friends from all over the world and she has learned to grin and bear the toughest situations. She has opened her mind to new possibilities and learned to open her heart again. She has become adaptable and she has learned who she is and what she has the potential to be.
It seems impossible to think that life back home may once again return to normal, and that the world will tip upright again- but surely it will. I’m taking comfort in knowing that when it does, my heart will be bigger, my will stronger and my friends more widespread. Truly, what more could a girl ask for?
So, as I board the plane out today I will do so with tears in my eyes and a smile on my face knowing I’ve fallen in love with the time of my life. “