Today I bought infant socks. I swear I really thought they were full size. I stared at that damn sock wall for like 10 minutes wondering how on earth there could be so many, and reeling at the cost. For socks? Finally, I impatiently grabbed a bundle and headed for the cash. Originally I was heading for the gym. It’s the first time I’ve been this week because every single day I’ve managed to forget shoes or pants or entire gym bag and I would slunk home and make a beeline for the couch after work where I’d park myself indefinitely. Short term it felt alright , but as the week has dragged on (and it’s been a pretty big dragger) I’ve started to notice just how crappy I feel- and distracted! Tonight I promised myself no more excuses, and although my heart was in the right place- my head evidently was not.
I bought the socks and this adorable old woman put them in a bag for me and i marched them and myself to the gym like some kind of martyr, refusing to be thwarted. I got in the change room all full of resolve and I squeezed into my spandex and reached down to fish out my pricey socks. I went so far as to rip that cardboard bit off and use my 5000 dollar teeth to chew through the plastic. I don’t kid around. It was then, and only then, that I realized my mistake. I put my foot in anyway testing just how far they’d stretch before my toe poked through the other side. I pulled and pulled until they reached just past my heel (okay they were more children’s than infant) and then shoved my foot into my shoe feeling triumphant. It was the most uncomfortable workout my feet have ever participated in as the sock dipped lower and lower in protest throughout the hour.
As I hobbled to the change room after the workout, fresh blisters stinging my heels, I thought about the real reason I’ve managed to get myself into such a state of distraction. Disappointment and discontent. Some of those I’ve relied on have recently proven themselves unreliable, and decisions I’ve made have placed me in a state of stale misery. I’ve been complaining that I don’t get to express myself the way I feel would really showcase my strengths, but I’ve done nothing to pursue hobbies or activities which would allow me to do so. Oh. That’s sobering. I’ve complained that I’m not where I want to be, but every decision I made got me here…Oh…another sobering thought. These little pearls of wisdom came to me after a particular blog post I read which stated “It’s okay to complain, don’t get me wrong, but it’s not okay if it pulls you away from succeeding in your endeavors”. I made the decisions which led me to where I am and I need to own them. I can also make the decisions that will lead me to where I need to be next, with the people I need to go there with. How about that.
This particular genius writer suggested thinking two great ideas or solutions for every complaint and I think I might just have to adopt this principle and try it out for myself. I realized with horror as I tried to pretend my big toe wasn’t poking through the end of my very tiny socks that while I’m busy complaining and walking around with a rain cloud over my head, I’m missing the journey. I don’t know when I mixed things up but my expectations about whatever destination I’m hoping to reach have so clouded my everyday, that the road signs are whizzing right past me. Plus, who wants to hang around the debbie downer with weird socks? Nobody, that’s who.
**If interested in the above -mentioned blog please see http://hellogiggles.com/the-minds-debate-on-complaints-school-and-other-life-choices