I’ve been thinking quite a lot about this topic lately and I wondered if writing it all down would help me sort through some feelings on this. I’ve been noticing that people have vastly different perspectives on what is appropriate in terms of how we treat one another. Some friends that I feel very close to don’t always seem to hold the relationship to the same degree of importance. I’ve also begun to wonder if this comes down to a difference in expression in some cases. Perhaps when I text and receive no response it doesn’t mean our relationship is not important, it means those channels of communication are unimportant to that individual. It is certainly true that we all express our fondness (or lack thereof) for one another in very different ways so that the lines of communication are sometimes crossed or missed entirely.
At the root of it all however, is the issue with feeling undervalued in a relationship. Why do we do this to one another? This of course is not exclusive to friendship but comes up in professional relationships, romantic relationships and so on. It is possible that we are often just missing the insight to recognize, at times, the value of small moments and small gestures to make one another feel important. I struggle with what it is I accept as fair play in love and friendship. Nobody wants to be walked all over but stepping into over critical territory makes for some lonely days. The balance is often difficult to come by. I often ask myself what am I willing to accept from those I interact with? When my best friend pisses me off does it end the friendship? When my boss frustrates me do I quit my job? It’s all a balancing act. I wonder how much of myself I’m willing to sacrifice to maintain it all and when somethings gotta give and enough is enough.
I love the quote “remember, everyone’s fighting their own battle” because often I think we all scratch the surface with one another without truly understanding the whole story behind our actions. As a person who has lived perhaps too sensitively, often struggling not to take things personally when I feel slighted or betrayed by someone, I try to remember what is ultimately most important and what I’m willing to let go of and dismiss or overlook in the name of maintaining peace. Maybe it’s some kind of survival tactic that comes with age which, of course, I’ve obviously come to learn in my ancient twenty-three years. I sort of take it moment by moment but I feel my awareness growing as I mature. I believe we can all afford to be a tiny bit more selective regarding those we surround ourselves with as the negativity in our lives sometimes remains unnecessarily in place. Of course, like a canker it can eat away at us from within and poison our fresh perspectives, our positive outlooks and our glass-half-full mentalities. It’s really the only thing we all own despite our circumstances and it is that which makes us unique. So, I guess the lesson here is in maintaining that treasure (your own unique energy) and distancing yourself from those who don’t necessarily value it. Be flexible but not pliable enough for others that you begin to see a stranger when looking in the mirror. The balancing act seems to begin with the ability to be a first class authenticated version of yourself. No wonder it’s so difficult.